just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
