I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
