Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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