I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize