I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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