i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
