Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
