She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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