You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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