Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
