I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
