Please, let me fuck your mom
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
