Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
