i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
