i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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