If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
