how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
