Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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