she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
