My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
