I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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