but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
