he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
MIDGETS
????
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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