I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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