I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
