i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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