haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
