My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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