I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I looked at my own cervix.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
