ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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