I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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