I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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