we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
