Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
