Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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(419): View more from Ohio

Why is your signature on my underwear?

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(440): View more from Ohio

Hippo gnu deer

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(913): View more from Kansas

You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.

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(813): View more from Florida

obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?

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(847): View more from Illinois

The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.

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(407): View more from Florida

We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.

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(206): View more from Washington

Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.

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