Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
