Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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