Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
