You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize