haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
