I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
