Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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