I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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