i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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