My liver just broke up with me...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
why is half of my head shaved?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
