i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
