my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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