i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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