Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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