not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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