The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
