Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
