Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize