She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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