I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
