is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
not ubering you a puppy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
