i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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