Will you blow on my dice?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
