He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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