So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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