No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
