She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
