dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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