8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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