you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
