I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
