once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
