i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do vagina's smell?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
