Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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