Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
