i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
