i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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