someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
