69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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