suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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