Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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