he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
