My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
