Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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