it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
