My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
