It's Friday. Sex?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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