My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
