i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You took a bar mat shot.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
