The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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