just come out here and I will go home with you...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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