And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
