cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
