I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
