Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
