I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
