This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
