I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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