I am in a vortex of obligation.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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