Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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