Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
