My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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