I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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