i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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