By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
