Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
