Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
