Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
