well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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