Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
