And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
