Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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